Carson : The Legacy of Randy Stahl Jr.

By rscaife
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Updated: September 27, 2018

By BRIAN CARSON

Hometown Sports correspondent

LEWISTOWN – Randy Stahl Jr. loved hunting, fishing, and softball. Most of all, he loved his two sons Ryan and Dylan. He cherished his family and friends and enjoyed camping, sports,and playing with his two dogs.

Randy graduated from Lewistown High School and matriculated to Messiah College. After college, he worked as a graphics designer to nurture his creative life. Churchgoer, family man,and sports enthusiast. He had what seemed an enviable life.

But on Sunday night, November 6, 2016, all the hopes, plans and dreams Randy had for the future came to a crashing end when he took his own life. Randy Stahl was only 38 years old, cut down in his prime.

The question that lingers is why? Why does someone decide their life is no longer worth living? And how could this tragedy be prevented? The answers may never be known. What remains are broken families trying to pick up the pieces and move onwith the business of living.

Randy’s sister Melody Daer said there were no warning signs with her brother, making it even harder to deal with.

“There were no warning signs. He had two young boys and he was such a huge part of their lives. He was a godly man. He was president of our family camp in Licking Creek and he loved devoting his time to that,” Daer said. “It makes it ten times harder to deal with it. They say with suicide it’s a mental health issue and I agree somewhat. But with the way everything panned out with my brother he didn’t have any mental health issues. I think something happened that night and it pushed him to the limit.”

“It’s been tough. In November it will be two years since his death and he would have been 40 this year. It’s been really hard,” Daer continued. “I don’t think you ever deal with the pain or get over it. You never get over it, but you learn to live your life a lot different. You take each day one at a time. It’s been tough for the whole family. It was a huge shock because we never saw it coming.”

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)reports that suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States claiming 44,965 lives every year. Men die by suicide 3.5 times more than women. On average, there are 123 suicides per day in the U.S. In Pennsylvania, suicide is the second leading cause of the death for people ages 15-34.

Raising awareness is paramount to saving lives. It’s with that goal in mind that Daer, former softball standout at Lewistown High School, created the first annual Team Randy Co-Ed Softball Tournament.

The double–elimination tournament, which has six teams registered so far, begins on Saturday at Kish Park, starting at 8 a.m. There will be medals for first, second and third. For more information go to the First Annual Team Randy Co-Ed Softball Tournament Facebook page. There will also be an Out of the Darkness Walk at Kish Park on October 7. Registration is at 1 p.m. with the walk starting at 2 p.m. You can register at http://www.afsp.org/teamrandy.

“There are so many people who knew Randy through softball and when they found out what I was doing they wanted to be a part of it and that was awesome,” Daer said. “That pushed me to think we can do this and probably get somewhere with it. It’s a time to have fun and allow Randy’s legacy to live on and get to know the person he was.”

The purpose of the events is two-fold – raise attention and money for suicide prevention and honor the memory of her late brother.

“He was the type of guy everybody liked. He played baseball all through high school. He played soccer. He was active in sports. He played softball in the men’s league and the church league,” Daer said. “Sports and his work. That’s how people knew him. When J.P. Edwards first opened up, he designed the logo. He designed things throughout Mifflin County. He was the type of guy, it didn’t matter who you were, you were friends with him. He was so likable. He cared about you. He put everyone before him. He was a strong and loving guy.”

All money raised from the tournament goes to the AFSP andgetting boatloads of cash, while nice, isn’t the keystone goal of Daer. The aim is creating a legacy for her brother.

“All proceeds go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. It’s not a matter of how much money we raise. That’s not the goal,” Daer said. “The goal is to keep the tournament going ten years from now and offer support for suicide prevention. My daughter is 11 and when she gets on a slow-pitch softball team I want her to play on a team in this tournament. My brother always got excited when softball season came. It was his thing. This is the first annual and I would like to see many more to come because that’s what he would want.”

Daer thought about starting the tournament last year but her emotions were still too raw. After some long soul–searching, she came to the decision to let the community know what kind of person her brother was.

“I thought about doing it last year and I wanted to do it. We got involved with the Out of the Darkness walks,” Daer said. “It’s very emotional for me to step on the field. That’s where I feel closest to him. I was a runner and he was the one who pushed me until I couldn’t go any farther and then he would push me some more. He instilled that in me to always be the best. He put a drive in me.

“You deal with all this pain and heaviness. I decided to lift him up rather than dwelling on things you can’t control. Being able to feel his presence and allow people to see the person he was, that would mean more to him than anything.”

The Out of the Darkness Walk is an event Daer and her family are deeply involved with. It’s through the walks people with suicidal thoughts can meet people and get the help and support they need. You never know who may need help. It could be a loved one or a neighbor.

“If somebody is dealing with problems they can come to these walks and you may not know them, but something might hit home and they need somebody to talk to,” Daer said. “Last year, when we did the walk at Kish Park, I found out my neighbor had problems and didn’t know who to talk to and let’s be honest, nobody wants to talk about this or deal with it, but I think at one time everybody has thought about suicide. To raise awareness and give people comfort and someone to talk to is what this isall about.”

Daer encourages anyone with suicidal tendencies to find a confidante, someone who can help them through whatever issues they’re facing. Suicide is not, and never will be, the answer.

“Suicide isn’t worth it. There are times when you get low and things get tough, but what your family and friends experience after losing a loved one is hard,” Daer said. “It’s always best to find a support group or that person you can talk to, support you and encourage you. When you put your trust in God and anchor your faith, he will pull you through the tough times.”

Faith is a powerful word, full of emotion, strength, and hope. Daer and her family made the choice, despite their pain, to live by faith and see the good that can come from any adversity, even a terrible thing like suicide.

“You have to choose to find the brighter side of things. For me and my family, it was faith. You have to put your faith somewhere and we chose to put our faith in God,” Daer said. “Everything happens for a reason, it really does. Sometimes God will take a crappy situation and he’ll make something good of it. That’s what we are believing by doing the Out of the Darkness Walks and the Team Randy Softball Tournament.”

On Saturday, Melody Daer and her family will have fun playing a game they love with warm memories of Randy always at the forefront of their minds. Waiting for the time when their faith will reunite them.

In the words of poet Harry Scott-Holland:

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!